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The Space For - And Power of - Apology


Recently, I found myself in a situation where I become the unwitting focus of a poison email copied to eight other people.  I was stunned.  My immediate reaction was a knee-jerk response, wanting to send a smarting reply that would put him down, and show how I was the unwitting victim of his surprise attack. Instead, I chose a different route, and decided to slow down. 

My Radical Collaboration training has taught me that taking a breath and stepping back from something when I notice a physical or emotional reaction, gives me the ability to try to understand my own “need” behind my reaction.  In this situation, my need was to be seen as competent and in control by others.  As a result, I had to own that it was MY interpretation of his email which fed MY own feelings of incompetence, and I had to manage that, not him.  He did not intend my reaction. By understanding that about myself, it allowed me to divorce my reality from an attempt to interpret his intention.  But it was also clear if the situation was to be resolved peaceably, that he had an emotion of his own that he needed to take responsibility for.

I also decided to do something else before I responded. I called a friend to seek her insight, and used her as a sounding board for working through the issues he had raised to see what it was that may have triggered his emotional email.  My question was “what was I missing or did not know that may have been going on for this person?”

As a coach and mediator, this simple question is a crucial element in conflict resolution.  It is about holding open a space to consider the mental (or logical) and emotional considerations of the other party. To be truly curious about their experience and priorities, not judgmental.  To hold the potential for empathy and compassion.  To do this well however, takes training.  It means quietening your own inner voice to truly listen and be open to another’s experience. Contrary to what you may think, this does not mean giving up on your values or needs, but instead, in the spirit of true curiosity, to be open to new discoveries, new vantage points from which different choices and solutions can arise, and which can still include your needs. In my experience, this listening often redefines the problem, giving greater clarity, and this shift in perspective provides simpler solutions.

The ‘rub’, however, is that in a heated moment, without giving space to a response, and approaching with curiosity, the voice of pride, the egotistical perception of the need for retaliation, or the survivalist instinct to protect a political fiefdom, can get in the way of solving a problem. The lure of the amygdala’s fight or flight response, is hard to control.

In this instance, as before, being curious gave me new information.  It provided me with an understanding of the place from which this person was coming from, the stress he was under, and the clear need he was expressing (albeit in an unproductive way) to remain significant. My understanding did not make his action right, but it did help me to write a more compassionate response in which I was able to recognize his needs, yet also state my own, and to provide him the opportunity to recognize the impact of his behaviors on me.  Since I had no contact information for this individual, other than his email, I also encouraged him to call me so that we could speak to resolve any issues, and not involve others in our communication. 

This is something I insist on with my clients.  Email is not the medium to hold debates, problem solve, question each other’s priorities, or even in some instances to provide feedback.  It lacks the expression, subtleties and nuances of voice to voice, and (my favorite) face to face communication.  People are more likely to respond and treat each other in a civil and conciliatory manner if they are immediately responsible for the intended and unintended impact of their communication.  Tone, facial and body movements are a dead give-away.  So my response was not an attempt to attack or reject, but rather an invitation to resolve and encourage positive interaction. 

Within an hour, I received a heartfelt written apology and a call.  The result was an immediate sense of relief and appreciation on my behalf for this individual.  I felt like a balloon that had been pierced, and all the hot air and emotion I felt, dispersed.  What made his apology effective, was that it showed true self-reflection, awareness and responsibility for the intended and unforeseen impact of his email.  It in no way attempted to justify his actions.


This point about justification is very important.  If he had attempted to justify his thinking, I would have perceived it as a defense of his behavior. A contradiction of his apology, and it would not have moved me.  What I realized was that he had done what I had done, he had been curious, and had taken the time to examine and take responsibility for his own motivation, and the space to wonder at mine.  

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