Recently, I found myself in a situation where I become the unwitting focus of a poison email copied to eight other people. I was stunned. My immediate reaction was a knee-jerk response, wanting to send a smarting reply that would put him down, and show how I was the unwitting victim of his surprise attack. Instead, I chose a different route, and decided to slow down. My Radical Collaboration training has taught me that taking a breath and stepping back from something when I notice a physical or emotional reaction, gives me the ability to try to understand my own “need” behind my reaction. In this situation, my need was to be seen as competent and in control by others. As a result, I had to own that it was MY interpretation of his email which fed MY own feelings of incompetence, and I had to manage that, not him. He did not intend my reaction. By understanding that about myself, it allowed me to divorce my reality from an attempt to interpret his intention. But it was also
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